Message For Those With Good Reasons

Since last week’s briefing, the Third Sub-Committee has successfully met Objective Square-Seven. The project to discover inexpensive and offensive military applications of the Pee Cramp (SW-7XJ1) has yielded bountiful and forbidden fruit. The members of the Third Sub-Committee are hereby ordered to submit a full report to the Secret Section by the end of the Winter, and six (6) half-hour segments are expected to run on network television news programs not more than ten (10) days following the opening of the Peach Festival. With any luck, no one will pay any attention and the enemy will be taken by brute force and lots of shooting. Those objecting to the use of the Pee Cramp on innocent civilians are advised to grow up and watch a prepared videotape, which is being made available to the Full Committee, until you can show us a goddamn smile. The tape (VT-9TS6) features images of men getting hit in the nuts with tennis balls. Heh. That is all.