Knocking it over, then up

Re: your latest scheme to get revenge on The Church, I must confess that I'm a little disappointed in your lack communication up to this point. For three months we hear nothing and then, out of the blue, we find a Fed-Ex envelope pinned to the college flag hanging outside my front door. Is this professional? It's certainly not discreet. Further, the pile of napkins enclosed, bearing the scrawled drawings and mad rantings that outline this venture, were, shall we say, in less-than-mint condition. Recycling is always great, but re-using is something you must be more selective about. By any reasonable standard, what you have passed along is a bonafide biohazard, and that's not just my opinion - it's the State's. The page-numbering was also a bit confusing, though I'll grant that switching between Esperanto, Old English and cuneiform symbols as frequently as you do can "loosen up" your attention to such details. As for the plan itself, the wife and I think it's some of your best work yet. Rubber masks will be here in two days (UPS-willing!), and then we'll be hot to trot. I hope your associates in Prague aren't just blowing smoke up your ass this time.

Greasing it up

Due to a lack of interest, Module 5.1 (scheduled for Thurs. 10 a.m., Mohican Room) has been cancelled in favor of a more "hands-on" opportunity, which will be an old-style Gypsy beat-down in the north parking lot (registered attendees only.) The Council has agreed that this will preserve the spirit of the original workshop, while providing more time to do some networking and get laid. Vegetarians are encouraged to re-register for their red badges (aka "Get Out of Meat Free!" buttons) so that they can continue to associate with real people during future social functions. All those bearing blue and/or other out-of-date badges will suffer twenty-five minutes of naked humiliation at the hands of guest-presenter Barbara Billingsley, so consider this fair warning. Following the enthusiastic response so far, the sign-up list for goat shenanigans has been re-opened to allow those who have been through the experience to re-live it nine or ten more times. If you do intend to remove someone else's name from the list and insert your own (or a friend's,) be sure to erase the original name completely, hence releasing the staff from adjourning a mock proceeding to "get to the bottom" of anything. Obviously, we're a little busy up here, and have little concern for your nonsense.