Playing down the rashes and sores

Turn right, because if we go around that tree again, I'm going to drop trou[sers] and give these weasels a little something to look forward to. I forget if north is toward the shadow from the sun, or if it's left of the sun when it's at its highest point, which was a couple of hours ago, anyway. Surely we can make it back to the cabin before she regains enough of her composure to chew her way through the sack, karate-kick herself out into the open air, and seriously bruise the gathered faithful in both visible and rarely-visible areas. I've heard tell that chipmunks always seek the north side of the trees because it helps them to regain their orientation when they wake up the next morning, stinking of Tequiza and cheap ladies. I don't mind climbing a tree this high in order to get our bearings, but if you're going to keep looking up my shorts, you'd best be prepared to tuck some folding currency between the cheek and gum, if you see where I'm headed with this. Praise be, we've finally made it. Uncork the lube-tube and fire up that camera - By God we're going to get an A+ in this course or lose all hope of ever growing facial hair again in the attempt. Wagons roll!