Gritting teeth and losing syrup

Letting one go at your mother's head is plain old wrong. Whatever resentment one has built up against her, your mother is always to be respected, at the very least for that unpleasant day when you ripped up her vagina (head-first, no less) and bleated your baby-cries of gratitude to a roomful of strangers, only to segue into a prolonged jag of pooping whenever you jolly well felt like it and speaking only in tounges like the Pentecostals do (which is fucking creepy in any state. How dare you speak that way to your mother! Your "experimental time" with Marxism also hurt us deeply, but that's not for here.)

Mothers make us beautiful, and some mothers try harder than others. Conversely, it's always your mother's fault if you turn out ugly, but it's your father's fault if you lack the gumbas to rise above it and still get laid all over the place. I'm sure someone could make a witty point if he or she begged the question enough to include single-parent and step-parent scenarios, but at that point we're just sucking poison out of a wound that needs no healing. Let it burn. Let it burn! And then blame your father.