Folding it over

If I decide to cut off my thumb, it commits the rest of my hand to a life of increased responsibility, and I am not bold enough to impose that extra strain on an innocent hand. It's not something you should have to think about in order to make the right decision, but I thought if I gave it a little overthought, I could out-clever myself and prove that it's really great to cut off a thumb, even though it is one of the very few features I've been gifted with that make me inarguably superior to a barnyard cock. This has been a futile effort, and I am here to report that cutting off my own thumb would almost never be justified. There, that's the wiggle-room I needed. I should also mention that barnyard cocks are incredibly stupid and crow all day long, not only at the "crack of dawn", contrary to popular legend. Oddly enough, I learned this when I was living in New York City. The difference between the crack of dawn and the crack of a dirty person's ass does not exist in that town. That's why I drink soy milk.